Fed up

Today has been full of aggravation.  It isn't even noon yet.  I'm tired, and I still have to do the shopping and cooking for my grandparents today. 

First, my mother woke me up, probably with her blackberry, which she refuses to use unless it is on speakerphone, way before I had had 5 hours of sleep yet.  She woke me from a nightmare I was having about a mother deer and her faun being cooked alive on a barbecue grill (I am anticipating the upcoming hunting season around here).  Lovely image, isn't it?

Then, my Grandmother came over with the electrician to install 2 new light fixtures in the hallway because the old ones were busted.  She pitched a huge fit that they didn't look perfectly identical because the swirl pattern in the glass varied from piece to piece, and then another mini-tantrum that the lights in their respective fixtures were pointing in different directions.  Meticulous is a nice word for what she is.  She put her hands on her hips and stomped her feet!

Then I read Chris Hedges' most recent article on Truthdig which gave me goosebumps.  I copied a portion into my status update on FaceCrap and for the 68th straight day in a row, my friend's husband had a bunch of snarky comments about the claims needing citation and the argument being a logical fallacy, completely missing Hedges' point and making me see red.  I know it is just a neurosis on his part, but it has been driving me crazy.  I guess I am lucky to get any response at all considering my friend-base on that piece of shit site.  I would gladly delete my account if I didn't use facebook to keep in touch with my friends, who, at this point, are all long-distance. 

I've noticed that some days are just easier than others.  Some days, even things that ought to be annoying and stressful, turn out to be a walk in the park.  Other days, things that ought to be a breeze wind up being a massive annoyance that sticks in your craw.  I have a feeling this day falls under the latter category, which does not make me excited for the rest of the day.  In fact, I can't seem to calm the hell down.

Yesterday, I also got word that the former best friend who had intimated to a mutual friend that she wanted to patch things up with me after she ripped out my heart 2 years ago, has apparently changed her mind about it and will not be writing me the letter I was told I could expect.  I'm not very surprised about that, but I am disgusted.  Just another disappointment that proves she was never really my friend in the first place, and I must have been delusional for 3 years to think she was.  Which, of course, outrages me.  I'm pissed off at her, at life, and at myself. 

I'm frustrated and angry about the way things in my life and relationships have turned out.  I'm furiously bitter about the set of circumstances that have left my generation to fight a battle they simply can not win.  Most of us will be, or already are, forced into lives of serfdom for no good reason except for corporate greed and the Corporatocracy that has irrevocably stolen power from the people.  Can I go occupy Wall Street?  No I can not, because I am too busy caring for my 86 year old grandparents and trying to keep the house from falling apart, keep from starving, and God knows there isn't enough time or money.  I've been forced into a life not of my own choosing and I hate it!  I hate the lack of opportunity, the fear, the uncertainty, the prospect that this is what the rest of my life looks like, just struggling from day to day to hold on to a roof over my head, no matter what I do!  I'm voting a straight 3rd party ticket this year, not that it fucking matters, not that any of it has ever mattered in any election I've been old enough to vote in.  8 years of Bush and then after enthusiastically voting for Obama we find out he's a total JOKE.  All hail our Plutocratic masters!  They have us under their boot now, once and for all!  So much for the "greatest civilization on earth"!  Kiss that goodbye, along with the American Dream, and every right our fore-bearers fought and died to win!  All of that is being liquidated and deposited in Swiss bank accounts AS I WRITE THIS bloody mess.