Seek and ye shall get sweaty

Before commencing my search, I closed my eyes and chanted my plea to St. Anthony.  "St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please look around!  Something is lost which must be found!"

I had done a preliminary search of my computer table in the living room last week and was alarmed to turn up no trace of the paperwork I was seeking.  This time, when I walked into the room, there it was, right on top of a pile, as if it had floated down from the ceiling and landed gently askew on the table.  Thanks, St. Anthony!

Feeling encouraged by my success, I decided to try the incantation for the item I REALLY wanted to find in a hurry - the lost cigarettes.  "St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please look around, something is lost which must be found."  I felt a little awkward asking a saint to help me find cigarettes, but hey, I was desperate enough to give it a try.  I spent the next 2 and a half hours tearing the house apart and I never found them.  I was dripping with sweat from my exertions.  "No smokes for you!  Ha ha ha ha ha!"  Said St. Anthony.

Maybe I really do need to sacrifice a goat or something?  After my extensive search the only thing I can figure is that they got left in their brown paper sack and got mistakenly thrown out.  That, or my dear feller left them in the old garage on the other side of the property, where he sometimes works on his broken-down truck and my semi-functioning '94 model sedan.

When it comes to losing things, he's even worse than I am.  One night he was close to hysterical when he couldn't find his "Tofurky" "Sausages" in the fridge.  (If the name has to be put in quotation marks, it probably shouldn't be a food.)

I don't even know what's in tofurkey besides, I assume, tofu, and that fact alone is enough to keep me from wanting to eat it, but he was suspicious that someone had secretly stolen and consumed his mystery non-meat.  He was so frustrated that he huffed and puffed around the house for 45 minutes before storming outside and sitting on the back deck in a torrent of grouchiness.  I went into the kitchen, and opened up a drawer where we keep the plastic baggies and found the missing tofurkey wrapped in a baggie and stuck right on top of the ziplocks.  He had hidden it from himself.  Naturally I couldn't wait to share my discovery with him.  After that he figured it was still good though, since it didn't have any ingredients that could degrade under normal conditions... and then he ate it.  Tofu and all.  TOFURKY!  Say it with me!  It's fun!